why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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