I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
