I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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