Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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