Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
