I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
