I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
