Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
