Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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