Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
