the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she peed on how many people?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
