so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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