god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dick very happy bro
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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