i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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