Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just gargled with NyQuil
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
