you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this boner is exhausting
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
