I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
