So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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