He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my poor anus
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
