My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
