Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
