I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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