I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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