Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
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I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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