I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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