You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
