are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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