I wish I only lived at night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
