Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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