okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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