Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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