The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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