I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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