We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
