I'm jealous of your bromance
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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