If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize