It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
