Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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