You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
