you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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