Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The adults are the big ones right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
