my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...