Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening