Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.