I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
