I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
