So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
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are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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