There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He has the fingertips of a God
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
