ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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