if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
