so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
