I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize