you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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