The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
