Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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