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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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