Tell her she can't have a vagina
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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