I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
